New Motivation

Tonight I was told by my grandma that my grandpa is still in the hospital. Four weeks ago he underwent bypass surgery for a clogged artery and valve replacement. One week later he had a complication, and returned to the hospital for heart failure. He returned home only for a few days. Upon going in for a check up the doctors found him jaundiced, and discovered that he needed his gall bladder removed. So he went into the hospital immediately. It's been a week since he went back for the gall bladder surgery, and now they discover that his bile duct has a blockage and they can't figure out where the blockage is. The gall bladder biopsy was deemed inconclusive, and so there are no real answers as to what is blocking the bile duct. It could be a tumor (which is most likely). It's not what anyone would have expected and I'm scared at this point.

After talking with my grandma, I did some internet searching and read up on the importance of the gall bladder and bile duct. Here is what I found:

Causes, incidence, and risk factors:
Bile is a liquid secreted by the liver that contains cholesterol, bile salts, and waste products such as bilirubin. Bile salts aid in the digestion of fats. Bile passes out of the liver through the bile ducts and is concentrated and stored in the gallbladder until it is released into the small intestine after a meal to help with fat digestion.
When the bile ducts become blocked, bile accumulates in the liver, and jaundice (yellow color of the skin) develops due to the accumulation of bilirubin in the blood.
The possible causes of a blocked bile duct include:
Gallstones
Tumors of the bile ducts or pancreas
Other tumors that have spread to the biliary system
Trauma including injury from gallbladder surgery
Choledochal cysts
Enlarged nodes in the porta hepatis
Inflammation of the bile ducts
The risk factors include:
A history of gallstones, chronic pancreatitis, or Pancreatic cancer
Recent biliary surgery
Recent biliary cancer (such as bile duct cancer)
Abdominal trauma.
In immunosuppressed patients, the blockage can be caused by infections.
Symptoms
Pale-colored stools (caused by lack of bilirubin)
Dark urine (caused by bilirubin excreted in the urine)
Jaundice (yellow skin color)
Itching
Abdominal pain in the upper right quadrant
Fever
Nausea and vomiting
Signs and tests
Your health care provider will examine your abdomen and may be able to feel the gallbladder.
The following blood test results could indicate a possible blockage:
Elevated bilirubin
Elevated alkaline phosphatase
Elevated liver enzymesAny of the following tests may be used to investigate a possible blocked bile duct:
Abdominal ultrasound
Abdominal CT scan
ERCP (endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography)
Percutaneous transhepatic cholangiogram (PTCA)
Magnetic resonance cholangiopancreatography (MRCP)A blocked bile duct may also alter the results of the following tests:
Gallbladder radionuclide scan
Urine bilirubin
Amylase
Treatment
The goal is to address the blockage. Stones may be removed using an endoscope during an ERCP. In some cases, surgery is required to bypass the blockage. The gallbladder will usually be surgically removed if the blockage is caused by gallstones. Your health care provider will prescribe antibiotics for if an infection is suspected.
If the blockage is caused by cancer, the duct may need to be expanded using an endoscope or percutaneous (through the skin) dilation. A tube may need to be placed to allow drainage.
Expectations (prognosis)
If the blockage is not corrected, it can lead to life-threatening infections. If the blockage lasts a long time, chronic liver disease can result. Most obstructions can be treated with endoscopy or surgery. Obstructions caused by cancer often have a worse outcome.
Complications
Left untreated, the possible complications include infections, sepsis, and liver disease, such as biliary cirrhosis.
Calling your health care provider
Call your health care provider if you notice a change in the color of your urine and stools or you develop jaundice.
Prevention
Be aware of any risk factors you have, so that you can get prompt diagnosis and treatment if a bile duct becomes blocked. The blockage itself may not be preventable.

I don't really know enough yet on how to prevent such infections of the gall bladder from taking place, but I intend to read fully on it. I know several people who have had to have their gall bladder removed, and to me, as a lay person... that can't be good. Your gall bladder plays an important role in digestion. I'm going to do some more reading and post my findings... in the meantime I am more determined than ever to take better care of myself, my family... especially my DAD, who is obese and runs a trillion risk factors as it is.

Please keep him in your thoughts and hope for the best. He's my grandpa, Mariel's "Opa" and I want him to be around for years to come... I love him so much. I feel helpless sitting out here 2000 miles from him. I know there's nothing that I can personally do, so I'm just going to use this as motivation for my own efforts while still hoping that something can be done to improve the situation. I'm not a religious person, but if you pray... pray. If you meditate... meditate. If you hope... hope.

Feeble attempts, and at last I'm here

I feel incredibly guilty about not getting any new posts lately to my blog. As with so many things I try, I have these amazing intentions and great ideas and never seem to follow through. I guess it's the guilt and that procrastinating voice in my head that keeps telling me "you'll get to it later, but first you have to....". I know I can't keep behaving like this.



It's become the same way with my weight loss goals. I have a bad day and try to not beat up about it. Inevitably, I do and the little voice in my head starts filling me with self-doubt. Can I really lose the weight, and get to a fitness level and healthy lifestyle that I envision?



This last week at our meeting we discussed successful members and overcoming all the negative self-talk that we put ourselves through in our journey. I heard some really great ideas on how to be successful. The one that I remember the most is the swapping of food trackers with a friend. Janet and I talked and agreed that we would write down everything and trade next week. OUCH.

You would think that with this pressure, I would be really careful of what I put in my mouth right? But I have to confess that these last few weeks, except for one week, I've pretty much carried this attitude of "I don't care". I don' t know why I'm feeling this way, and when I start to realize I'm thinking it... it's like I don't have the discipline in me to say "no". So what happens with this? I end up gaining weight. IT IS is a terrible cycle.

After our meeting Thursday night, I admitted to something that I now know I'm not the only one guilty of. Sometimes, when my daughter hasn't finished a meal... or if I sit at the table after I'm done eating... if I sit there long enough, I inevitably start snacking on more food. Or worse yet, I eat the leftovers off of Mariel's plate. I feel like a vaccuum cleaner and could just eat everything in sight!

So this week I'm going to control my "extras" and not eat the scraps and leftovers. I realized that after I'm done with my meal, I need to get up from the table. If my daughter is still eating, then I can just stay in the kitchen with her and clean up dishes... or make notes in my food journal... or stand at the counter and read a paper. Anything to get me away from the temptation. The next challenge, is what to do if Mariel doesn't eat all of her food?... and it's something that is really good or I'm craving? I've learned I need to just accept that food will get thrown away and stop thinking of it as "wasting food". I grew up with that age old mentality that a clean plate is a good plate. NO MORE.

Wish me luck this week. I think for the next few weeks I'm going to list 3 things to work on. I'll report back and let you know how that fares.

1. No snacking off of others plates, instead just accept that the food is ok to either save for later (leftovers) or just throw it away. Step away from the table, and find something else to do or leave the kitchen altogether for awhile and come back after I'm feeling full / satisfied, and do the dishes, etc.

2. Get some form of exercise in for at least 30 minutes each day. I'm always looking for something fun and new. If anyone has any ideas, PLEASE tell me. Right now, I do bellydancing on Tuesday evenings. I'm looking for one more class to enroll in... the rest of my days I can walk on my treadmill, or do some Pilates, or go for a bike ride at my neighbors?

3. Turn off the TV after 10:00. I've been staying up way too late at night and then feeling really exhausted in the mornings... I get up late, don't get in my walk before Mariel wakes up, and end up starting my day way too late. before I know it, it's 8:00 at night and I don't know where my day went. I'm working on filling a calendar for March of different things to do, with my family and just by myself. .. again if anyone has any cool ideas for fun (free) activities around town... shoot me a note!

Alright, it's late and I've laid out a good plan for the next week.
Side note, my grandpa had open heart surgery. He had some complications and ended up having to have his gall bladder removed laproscopically. Now they are having a hard time trying to figure out what is causing a blockage in his bile duct? He has a CT scan tomorrow and I'm fearing cancer or something horrible. Thankfully, his heart is fine but now he's back in the hospital. I live 2000 miles from my family so I'm feeling pretty helpless right now. I'm not a religious person, but man if there's a word for praying, except not to a god, then that's what I'm doing right now. I'm not ready to lose him yet.
More motivation for me and my family to take better care of ourselves so that we don't end up in this situation later in our lives.

10%

Well tonight was the night I didn't think I could do.

I have to confess that this last month has been really difficult. I've been "tempted" so many times and find myself giving into cravings, and not putting myself in control of what I eat, what exercise I do or don't do. At times, I start getting that feeling that this whole "weight loss" thing isn't cut out for me, or that I just don't have the discipline or motivation inside to do it.

This last week was no exception, but I did manage to stay more in control and actually get some exercise in.



To my surprise tonight, I lost 2.6 pounds this week! I'm officially at 205, and have reached my 10% weight loss goal! It was also my 16th week on WW. I was so hopeful that this would be the week that I would reach that goal. I wanted to celebrate it at the meeting with my friend Janet, and Vickie (our team leader). I was so bummed when she wasn't there... but I am sooo looking forward to telling her the good news next week.



I know that 10% isn't that big of a deal to many people, but to me it's huge. This last week proves that I can do it, and that the work can pay off if I really work at it.