Congrats to Laurinda!

I just wanted to share that I got some amazing news yesterday.  It's funny how life brings you a little boost just when you need it.  As you know I've been feeling pretty unmotivated and less enthusiastic lately about WW.  I was trying to get some motivation and got a pep talk from Vickie , my WW leader, who I really look up to.  I got home from my WW meeting and was laying on the couch when the phone rang.  It was my aunt.  She called to inform me that she had just joined Weight Watchers that morning. I was SOOOOOO proud of her and just talking to her about WW got me kind of revved up.  I felt more like hypocrit for giving her my two bits of advice, since here I was not using it.  So I told her about my downfall since coming home from Illinois, and she understood and gave me some great insight. 

 So for the last 3 days now I've been been tracking what I eat, and staying pretty close  to my points. The first day I went over, but I now realize that it's OK to dip into those 35 and not be afraid of them.  I'm already feeling a difference, just in my digestion and stuff.   I'm going tonight to donate blood so I have to make sure to drink lots of water and eat well today anyway!

Anyway, I just wanted to give a "shout out" to my Aunt "Lo" and tell her that I'm so glad she joined and that I want to encourage her as much as I can to stick with it this time.  I promise to do the same!

Moving!

The last two months have gone by in a blur...

On March 4th, Mariel and I flew out to Illinois to be with my Grandpa.  He passed away the next night.  I was fortunate enough to be there with him and spend his last day together.  His funeral was a tribute to how wonderful a man he was.  Over 600 people came to his visitation to offer my grandma their prayers, kind words and thoughts.  It was incredible, and I know that my Grandpa would have NEVER known how many lives he touched.  My grandma is starting a new chapter in her life, and moving from the farm house where her and my grandpa shared over 55 years together.  She is so brave and I want anyone who reads this to keep her in their thoughts.

After returning from the midwest, it was back to business... or sort of.  It's been a real challenge getting back into life.  Our house is now being put up for auction on the 30th.  American Home Mortgage... I can't even say how upset I am at them... was unwilling to work with my husband and I to try to keep our home.  So we are moving back into Bend next weekend.  We found a nice rental, and to be honest... I guess it feels good to just start over.  

However, Eric and I are both still unemployed and Eric finishes his Business minor next month. So he's looking for full time work and it's getting harder and harder.  I wouldn't be truthful if I said that I feel okay about our future.  Right now I'm scared to death.  Eric's unemployment runs out for good at the middle of June, and so I'm stressin' about the money.  

Weight Watchers has taken a backseat unfortunately.  I start out great in the mornings, but by nighttime it hits me that I didn't take anytime for myself to get some exercise.  Mariel is doing a yoga class, and so Eric and I have been doing deep water fitness while she's in class.  Other than that, that's the extent of it right now.  Unless you count packing boxes and cleaning... exercise?

My weight is stuck at 208.  I gained 8 lbs while at home with my family.  Since my return... well my will power is gone.  Hopefully after moving, my family can get back to normal. Or at least some sort of routine.  If anyone has any job leads, send them my way!!!

I know I'm not alone when it comes to money worries, job loss, house loss, etc... need some inspiration or motivation.  Anyone got any good remedies?

My Grandpa

On March 5, 2009 my grandpa passed away.  He was diagnosed with a rare cancer that surrounded his bile ducts.  To write about the way I feel right now about it all... it's still hard.

He was beautiful, and I will always hold a special place in my heart for him.  Thanks to everyone that offered a kind thought or word.  

New Motivation

Tonight I was told by my grandma that my grandpa is still in the hospital. Four weeks ago he underwent bypass surgery for a clogged artery and valve replacement. One week later he had a complication, and returned to the hospital for heart failure. He returned home only for a few days. Upon going in for a check up the doctors found him jaundiced, and discovered that he needed his gall bladder removed. So he went into the hospital immediately. It's been a week since he went back for the gall bladder surgery, and now they discover that his bile duct has a blockage and they can't figure out where the blockage is. The gall bladder biopsy was deemed inconclusive, and so there are no real answers as to what is blocking the bile duct. It could be a tumor (which is most likely). It's not what anyone would have expected and I'm scared at this point.

After talking with my grandma, I did some internet searching and read up on the importance of the gall bladder and bile duct. Here is what I found:

Causes, incidence, and risk factors:
Bile is a liquid secreted by the liver that contains cholesterol, bile salts, and waste products such as bilirubin. Bile salts aid in the digestion of fats. Bile passes out of the liver through the bile ducts and is concentrated and stored in the gallbladder until it is released into the small intestine after a meal to help with fat digestion.
When the bile ducts become blocked, bile accumulates in the liver, and jaundice (yellow color of the skin) develops due to the accumulation of bilirubin in the blood.
The possible causes of a blocked bile duct include:
Gallstones
Tumors of the bile ducts or pancreas
Other tumors that have spread to the biliary system
Trauma including injury from gallbladder surgery
Choledochal cysts
Enlarged nodes in the porta hepatis
Inflammation of the bile ducts
The risk factors include:
A history of gallstones, chronic pancreatitis, or Pancreatic cancer
Recent biliary surgery
Recent biliary cancer (such as bile duct cancer)
Abdominal trauma.
In immunosuppressed patients, the blockage can be caused by infections.
Symptoms
Pale-colored stools (caused by lack of bilirubin)
Dark urine (caused by bilirubin excreted in the urine)
Jaundice (yellow skin color)
Itching
Abdominal pain in the upper right quadrant
Fever
Nausea and vomiting
Signs and tests
Your health care provider will examine your abdomen and may be able to feel the gallbladder.
The following blood test results could indicate a possible blockage:
Elevated bilirubin
Elevated alkaline phosphatase
Elevated liver enzymesAny of the following tests may be used to investigate a possible blocked bile duct:
Abdominal ultrasound
Abdominal CT scan
ERCP (endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography)
Percutaneous transhepatic cholangiogram (PTCA)
Magnetic resonance cholangiopancreatography (MRCP)A blocked bile duct may also alter the results of the following tests:
Gallbladder radionuclide scan
Urine bilirubin
Amylase
Treatment
The goal is to address the blockage. Stones may be removed using an endoscope during an ERCP. In some cases, surgery is required to bypass the blockage. The gallbladder will usually be surgically removed if the blockage is caused by gallstones. Your health care provider will prescribe antibiotics for if an infection is suspected.
If the blockage is caused by cancer, the duct may need to be expanded using an endoscope or percutaneous (through the skin) dilation. A tube may need to be placed to allow drainage.
Expectations (prognosis)
If the blockage is not corrected, it can lead to life-threatening infections. If the blockage lasts a long time, chronic liver disease can result. Most obstructions can be treated with endoscopy or surgery. Obstructions caused by cancer often have a worse outcome.
Complications
Left untreated, the possible complications include infections, sepsis, and liver disease, such as biliary cirrhosis.
Calling your health care provider
Call your health care provider if you notice a change in the color of your urine and stools or you develop jaundice.
Prevention
Be aware of any risk factors you have, so that you can get prompt diagnosis and treatment if a bile duct becomes blocked. The blockage itself may not be preventable.

I don't really know enough yet on how to prevent such infections of the gall bladder from taking place, but I intend to read fully on it. I know several people who have had to have their gall bladder removed, and to me, as a lay person... that can't be good. Your gall bladder plays an important role in digestion. I'm going to do some more reading and post my findings... in the meantime I am more determined than ever to take better care of myself, my family... especially my DAD, who is obese and runs a trillion risk factors as it is.

Please keep him in your thoughts and hope for the best. He's my grandpa, Mariel's "Opa" and I want him to be around for years to come... I love him so much. I feel helpless sitting out here 2000 miles from him. I know there's nothing that I can personally do, so I'm just going to use this as motivation for my own efforts while still hoping that something can be done to improve the situation. I'm not a religious person, but if you pray... pray. If you meditate... meditate. If you hope... hope.

Feeble attempts, and at last I'm here

I feel incredibly guilty about not getting any new posts lately to my blog. As with so many things I try, I have these amazing intentions and great ideas and never seem to follow through. I guess it's the guilt and that procrastinating voice in my head that keeps telling me "you'll get to it later, but first you have to....". I know I can't keep behaving like this.



It's become the same way with my weight loss goals. I have a bad day and try to not beat up about it. Inevitably, I do and the little voice in my head starts filling me with self-doubt. Can I really lose the weight, and get to a fitness level and healthy lifestyle that I envision?



This last week at our meeting we discussed successful members and overcoming all the negative self-talk that we put ourselves through in our journey. I heard some really great ideas on how to be successful. The one that I remember the most is the swapping of food trackers with a friend. Janet and I talked and agreed that we would write down everything and trade next week. OUCH.

You would think that with this pressure, I would be really careful of what I put in my mouth right? But I have to confess that these last few weeks, except for one week, I've pretty much carried this attitude of "I don't care". I don' t know why I'm feeling this way, and when I start to realize I'm thinking it... it's like I don't have the discipline in me to say "no". So what happens with this? I end up gaining weight. IT IS is a terrible cycle.

After our meeting Thursday night, I admitted to something that I now know I'm not the only one guilty of. Sometimes, when my daughter hasn't finished a meal... or if I sit at the table after I'm done eating... if I sit there long enough, I inevitably start snacking on more food. Or worse yet, I eat the leftovers off of Mariel's plate. I feel like a vaccuum cleaner and could just eat everything in sight!

So this week I'm going to control my "extras" and not eat the scraps and leftovers. I realized that after I'm done with my meal, I need to get up from the table. If my daughter is still eating, then I can just stay in the kitchen with her and clean up dishes... or make notes in my food journal... or stand at the counter and read a paper. Anything to get me away from the temptation. The next challenge, is what to do if Mariel doesn't eat all of her food?... and it's something that is really good or I'm craving? I've learned I need to just accept that food will get thrown away and stop thinking of it as "wasting food". I grew up with that age old mentality that a clean plate is a good plate. NO MORE.

Wish me luck this week. I think for the next few weeks I'm going to list 3 things to work on. I'll report back and let you know how that fares.

1. No snacking off of others plates, instead just accept that the food is ok to either save for later (leftovers) or just throw it away. Step away from the table, and find something else to do or leave the kitchen altogether for awhile and come back after I'm feeling full / satisfied, and do the dishes, etc.

2. Get some form of exercise in for at least 30 minutes each day. I'm always looking for something fun and new. If anyone has any ideas, PLEASE tell me. Right now, I do bellydancing on Tuesday evenings. I'm looking for one more class to enroll in... the rest of my days I can walk on my treadmill, or do some Pilates, or go for a bike ride at my neighbors?

3. Turn off the TV after 10:00. I've been staying up way too late at night and then feeling really exhausted in the mornings... I get up late, don't get in my walk before Mariel wakes up, and end up starting my day way too late. before I know it, it's 8:00 at night and I don't know where my day went. I'm working on filling a calendar for March of different things to do, with my family and just by myself. .. again if anyone has any cool ideas for fun (free) activities around town... shoot me a note!

Alright, it's late and I've laid out a good plan for the next week.
Side note, my grandpa had open heart surgery. He had some complications and ended up having to have his gall bladder removed laproscopically. Now they are having a hard time trying to figure out what is causing a blockage in his bile duct? He has a CT scan tomorrow and I'm fearing cancer or something horrible. Thankfully, his heart is fine but now he's back in the hospital. I live 2000 miles from my family so I'm feeling pretty helpless right now. I'm not a religious person, but man if there's a word for praying, except not to a god, then that's what I'm doing right now. I'm not ready to lose him yet.
More motivation for me and my family to take better care of ourselves so that we don't end up in this situation later in our lives.

10%

Well tonight was the night I didn't think I could do.

I have to confess that this last month has been really difficult. I've been "tempted" so many times and find myself giving into cravings, and not putting myself in control of what I eat, what exercise I do or don't do. At times, I start getting that feeling that this whole "weight loss" thing isn't cut out for me, or that I just don't have the discipline or motivation inside to do it.

This last week was no exception, but I did manage to stay more in control and actually get some exercise in.



To my surprise tonight, I lost 2.6 pounds this week! I'm officially at 205, and have reached my 10% weight loss goal! It was also my 16th week on WW. I was so hopeful that this would be the week that I would reach that goal. I wanted to celebrate it at the meeting with my friend Janet, and Vickie (our team leader). I was so bummed when she wasn't there... but I am sooo looking forward to telling her the good news next week.



I know that 10% isn't that big of a deal to many people, but to me it's huge. This last week proves that I can do it, and that the work can pay off if I really work at it.

How Cool is This?? - Papa Murphy's

Just had to pop this in here for anyone that might stumble upon my site while "Googling" Papa Murphy's. The other night I had a pizza from papa Murphy's. Gourmet Vegetarian DeLite with light cheese (1/2) and no sauce, just olive oil. I couldn't find the nutritional info for such a pizza so I emailed Papa Murphy's. I received a reply the very next day!

Here's what I got!
1/10th of a pie is 3 points!
This could be great to pair up with a yummy salad I think!

Hello Allison,

Here is the Nutrition Information for 1 slice (1/10th of the pizza) of a Large deLITE Gourmet Vegetarian Pizza with ½ (light) the amount of cheese and Olive Oil instead of Creamy Garlic Sauce:

Calories 125
Total Fat 6.2g
Saturated Fat 2.5g
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 11mg
Sodium 226mg
Total Carbs 212.5g
Dietary Fiber 0.6g
Sugars 0.6g
Protein 5.5g

Please let me know if you have any more questions.

Thank you,

Heather Black
Quality Assurance Manager
Papa Murphy's International
8000 NE Parkway Drive, Suite 350
Vancouver, Washington 98662
Website: http://www.papamurphys.com

Just for comparison sake, I'm putting the nutrition info for the same pizza with regular dough.
Calories 226
Total Fat 9.3g
Saturated Fat 3.6g
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 16mg
Sodium 510mg
Total Carbs 27.0g
Dietary Fiber 0.9g
Sugars 3.9g
Protein 8.8g

This serving would be 5 points! Not much of a change, but every couple points helps right?

Anyway, just wanted to share.

Craving Peanut Butter

Today was a pretty average day. I stayed up too late last night, got a second wind and sorted and cleaned up the junk drawer... till 1 am. Ouch. So Mariel got up before I did, only by about 10 minutes, but I just laid there for that time wishing that she wasn't awake yet and that I had about 2 more hours to sleep. Got up, made breakfast... oatmeal with chunks of fresh cut apple and cinnamon. Added some slight skim milk to our dishes, a small tsp of Brummel & Brown and promised Mariel that if she ate from the edges that it wouldn't be so hot.

We ate our breakfast, and then proceeded to play and clean up a little. Laziness isn't quite the word, but we definitely took our time. By lunch it was time to head to Bend. I tried to comtemplate a way that we could, as a family, incorporate some exercise into the day. Hard to do when it's just near freezing outside and there's ice and snow everywhere. Persuaded Eric to go to Bouncin off the Walls after Costco. We brought Lizzy with us, and had a really good time.
I didn't get quite the workout I hoped for, but none the less the girls wore themselves to near exhaustion. This will make for easy bedtime, which as any parent knows, is always a good thing.

Journey continues today on the food front. I'm craving peanut butter like mad.

For lunch, we went to Bend Brewing Co for lunch and ordered a yummy Fish Tacos. It was grilled mahi-mahi with black beans, rice and lots of fresh veggies. Sour Cream and Ohana Salsa on the side. Thought I was doing good having that. man, I was wrong.
14 points altogether, nearly half my day. Luckily I had a late lunch (2pm) and so I had a cup of coffee tonight and then later had a WW Dessert. I'm still hungry, have 4 points left, but I don't really think I'm THAT hungry to go and eat something now. Besides, it's 10:30pm and to break tradition, will go to bed BEFORE midnight tonight.

Anyway, as I stated in Day 1. This is a journal. Facing my food challenges...
discussing my day, my feelings. Looked in the mirror today, again, and still keep hoping to see some major change. I highlighted my hair, put on some Bare Escentuals tanning lotion and figured at least I can make some changes quickly with SOMETHING on my body. Eric thinks it looks good.. I'm skeptical though.

Goals for tomorrow. Wake up no later than 8:00. Walk on the treadmill 1/2 hour.
Compile paperwork for foreclosure mitigation and get that faxed!!! Clean up bedroom bath, and if possible... another walk in the afternoon. Tomorrow night is Weigh In night... can't say that I expect much of a change since last week. Wish me luck.

Day 1 on my new committment

Today is the day I decided to start a "blog" to chronicle my journey through losing some weight and getting focused on living a healthier and ultimately happier life. I don't normally "journal" but I've always wanted to. I read and hear about the benefits, and I have to confess that when I did write something down... I always came back later and experienced a change from it.

How did I come to decide to do this?
I was online and googled "Grocery List Maker" to see if there was a program I could download that would allow me to import my Weight Watchers meals into a grocery list. Instead, I stumbled upon countless blogs of women who are journaling their weight loss experience. It's inspiring and comforting to know that I am not the only woman in the world who faces and battles their weight on a daily basis. It's become such a daily disappointment with me, and I'm tired of it!

A little history...
In October of 2008 I, along with my former co-worker and friend Janet, joined weight watchers in Bend. We were both complaining of the same problems...sore back, tired, depressed, headaches. We both sat on our butts all day in front of a computer, and didn't excercise. So we made a choice, and it was the best choice I've made for myself in a very long time.

I started out at 227, nearly the heaviest I have ever weighed in my life. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I let myself get like this? I looked for someone or something to blame. But in truth, I can't blame anyone, except myself. So here I am. Creating a blog for the world to see, and taking full accountability for my actions and choices. I know that I will have my good days, and bad days, and for now that's ok. I've always been really hard on myself. I expect a lot of myself, and when I comes to weight loss I want the results and I want them NOW. It's going to be a true test of patience on my part to stick with this and make it a natural way of life.

Lastly and importantly I am doing this for my family. My grandfather just underwent bypass for a clogged artery and a valve replacement at age 82. He's been obese as long as I can remember. My grandmother has Type II diabetes. My whole family grew up with food. Midwest living at it's finest... corn and mashed potatoes... cube steak swimming in gravy... green beans so delicately laced with fried bacon. We ate when we were happy, we ate when we were sad. At Christmas time, I went home with my husband and daughter, to Illinois. I went with new eyes, and didn't like what I saw. I saw my grandma taking insulin shots to control diabetes. I saw my grandpa struggle to get out of a recliner. I saw a brace on my Dad's ankle, because it was swollen and can't support his weight.

I LOVE my family... all of them. I put this on my page because I love them. I want my grandparents to live another 10-15 years, to witness all the new changes that come with life.I want them to die of old age, in their sleep, and not at the hands of a stroke or diabetes.

I want my father to live another 40 years. To watch his granddaughter become a woman and have children of her own. I don't want to support him while he undergoes a bypass of his own. I want to be able to hug him, and fit my arms around him. I want him to play with his granddaughter, and do fun things that grandpa's do.

I want to live another 60 years, to become a grandmother myself, and to live it healthfully and happily. I want to be active and set a positive example for my daughter. I want her to see a strong, healthy woman who is her mom and friend. I want to be 60 years old and go snowshoeing or backpacking with my family for an outing.

In closing...
It's a lot to lay out but I feel like I have to put it all down now so that I can really start this journey properly. Honesty is always best, right? Right now I have a lot to be worried about. My husband and I are going through Bankruptcy, foreclosure, no job, no health insurance. Yet I seem to be optimistic that all will work out. I remain focused on the positives... I get to spend everyday taking care of my daughter and spending more time with her and my husband. I have the time to focus on taking care of me for a change too. Next will come learning to balance it all as I take the next steps. As many say during this time...Back to basics.

All in all I can say this about this experience... It's going to be interesting.