Day 1 on my new committment

Today is the day I decided to start a "blog" to chronicle my journey through losing some weight and getting focused on living a healthier and ultimately happier life. I don't normally "journal" but I've always wanted to. I read and hear about the benefits, and I have to confess that when I did write something down... I always came back later and experienced a change from it.

How did I come to decide to do this?
I was online and googled "Grocery List Maker" to see if there was a program I could download that would allow me to import my Weight Watchers meals into a grocery list. Instead, I stumbled upon countless blogs of women who are journaling their weight loss experience. It's inspiring and comforting to know that I am not the only woman in the world who faces and battles their weight on a daily basis. It's become such a daily disappointment with me, and I'm tired of it!

A little history...
In October of 2008 I, along with my former co-worker and friend Janet, joined weight watchers in Bend. We were both complaining of the same problems...sore back, tired, depressed, headaches. We both sat on our butts all day in front of a computer, and didn't excercise. So we made a choice, and it was the best choice I've made for myself in a very long time.

I started out at 227, nearly the heaviest I have ever weighed in my life. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I let myself get like this? I looked for someone or something to blame. But in truth, I can't blame anyone, except myself. So here I am. Creating a blog for the world to see, and taking full accountability for my actions and choices. I know that I will have my good days, and bad days, and for now that's ok. I've always been really hard on myself. I expect a lot of myself, and when I comes to weight loss I want the results and I want them NOW. It's going to be a true test of patience on my part to stick with this and make it a natural way of life.

Lastly and importantly I am doing this for my family. My grandfather just underwent bypass for a clogged artery and a valve replacement at age 82. He's been obese as long as I can remember. My grandmother has Type II diabetes. My whole family grew up with food. Midwest living at it's finest... corn and mashed potatoes... cube steak swimming in gravy... green beans so delicately laced with fried bacon. We ate when we were happy, we ate when we were sad. At Christmas time, I went home with my husband and daughter, to Illinois. I went with new eyes, and didn't like what I saw. I saw my grandma taking insulin shots to control diabetes. I saw my grandpa struggle to get out of a recliner. I saw a brace on my Dad's ankle, because it was swollen and can't support his weight.

I LOVE my family... all of them. I put this on my page because I love them. I want my grandparents to live another 10-15 years, to witness all the new changes that come with life.I want them to die of old age, in their sleep, and not at the hands of a stroke or diabetes.

I want my father to live another 40 years. To watch his granddaughter become a woman and have children of her own. I don't want to support him while he undergoes a bypass of his own. I want to be able to hug him, and fit my arms around him. I want him to play with his granddaughter, and do fun things that grandpa's do.

I want to live another 60 years, to become a grandmother myself, and to live it healthfully and happily. I want to be active and set a positive example for my daughter. I want her to see a strong, healthy woman who is her mom and friend. I want to be 60 years old and go snowshoeing or backpacking with my family for an outing.

In closing...
It's a lot to lay out but I feel like I have to put it all down now so that I can really start this journey properly. Honesty is always best, right? Right now I have a lot to be worried about. My husband and I are going through Bankruptcy, foreclosure, no job, no health insurance. Yet I seem to be optimistic that all will work out. I remain focused on the positives... I get to spend everyday taking care of my daughter and spending more time with her and my husband. I have the time to focus on taking care of me for a change too. Next will come learning to balance it all as I take the next steps. As many say during this time...Back to basics.

All in all I can say this about this experience... It's going to be interesting.